As I sit in my 4 ½” leopard print strappy sandals sipping my sweet wine and contemplating the effects of shoes on a person’s behavior all I can think is, damn I want to do me, like hard in a way people don’t talk about. AC Slater can’t touch this hotness right now. 
Why? The arch of the foot, the curve of the thigh, and the fullness of the buttock are all enhanced by a little bit of slut in your step. Well, maybe more like a lot of whore in your heel. Trust me-- all our male readers are rolling a little farther under their desks right now for a reason.
You want your man to come home, throw you against the wall, and ravage you until you’re panting like a wild spider monkey in July?
Trying to find the proper attire during a whipped cream only dress-up party?
Just feel like going from Tipper Gore to Dita Von Teese for a night?
Well a pair of hot “Screw me over a chair till I can’t feel my eyelids” heels can get you there. Is it a shock that Jessica Simpson isn’t loved for her calculus skills?
Below are some examples from our lusty readers’ favorite shoes and what they think while they are being lifted over their heads. Now excuse me while I let the Cabana boy finish licking this wine off my toes.
* Keep an eye out for next month’s article: The Best Sex Positions with Camel Skin Sling Backs
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Thanks, Finger Talks, for writing. It would been awkward to have me write about shoe sex.- Andy
Posts
August 24, 2009 at 1:27 PM �
Hells yeah, I have a LOT of shoes like this. I actually have to be careful wearing them out of the house because of the mood they put me in!!!
August 24, 2009 at 3:12 PM �
Hawt, hawt, hawt! Do-me shoes are the best. And the reference to "slutpanties" is awesome. I'm using that from now on!
August 24, 2009 at 3:18 PM �
Do-Me shoes are highly powerful and not to be used by amateurs!
August 24, 2009 at 3:19 PM �
Unfortunately boys do not have fuck-me shoes. We just have foot-fungus flip flops.
Count your blessings, ladies.
August 24, 2009 at 3:30 PM �
Ben: Many a woman has been charmed by my various pairs of Adidas Gazelles over the years.
Well some.
A few.
I vaguely recall one in the mid 90s.
August 24, 2009 at 3:35 PM �
Peter, you are the Don Juan of Footlocker.
August 24, 2009 at 3:41 PM �
I just bought a pair of Chuck Taylors I hope will cause my girlfriend to swoon. But now I'm thinking I need to attach some five-inch heels.
August 24, 2009 at 4:04 PM �
Boys, you could try cowboy boots. Those have a bit of a heel. But it will probably only work at NASCAR races.
August 24, 2009 at 4:14 PM �
So far the only things my cowboy boots have attracted are the Indian from the Village People.
August 24, 2009 at 4:54 PM �
WORD.
there's nothing like a pair of fuck-me boots to start of an evening at home.
and i, for one, like a MAN in boots. there's something about a pair of dirty, dusty workboots that...well...ahem...
August 24, 2009 at 5:10 PM �
I'm pretty sure ben wrote the line about "and your hot brother."
you've been found out.
August 24, 2009 at 5:15 PM �
I've been known to leave bruises from do-me heels.
Or maybe I just thought about it once.
That'd be cool though, right?
And Andy? Chucks are hot.
August 24, 2009 at 5:47 PM �
id have to agree with Tia, i think the male version of do-me shoes are a nice dirty pair of boots. Manly boots that have been weathered and just make you want to growl at their owner!
When a man throws you up against the wall you want him to have a firm footing.
August 24, 2009 at 6:24 PM �
Tia - let's hook up.
Maxie - I may have been involved in editing. What of it?
Doniree - Your comment just made me do a kegel.
August 24, 2009 at 6:45 PM �
I so, so, so know where you're coming from.
I have a pir of 8cm red, point toe, snakeskin stilettos.... and everytime i wear them i get a little it sexier.
Those shoes + black pencil skirt = sexy time!
August 25, 2009 at 5:40 AM �
A whole post dedicated to Come-Fuck-Me Pumps! And Ben, whaddaya talk? This post is clear evidence that guys SHOULD have this sort of thing: shoes that transform you into sexual dynamos? Imagine how they'd fly off the shelves!
August 25, 2009 at 8:48 AM �
Phil - what do you suggest? Let's make this shit real.
August 25, 2009 at 4:54 PM �
I love CFM (Come-Fuck-Me) shoes
Works every time
August 26, 2009 at 5:30 AM �
Ben - It'll have to go in baby steps, but first up would be to start making shoes with amazing arch support, and I think at the very least a certain level of platform is in order. Let's do it.
August 26, 2009 at 9:02 AM �
There is nothing comfortable about sexy. I feel like the entire thing should be made out of jagged, rusty metal.
August 26, 2009 at 5:41 PM �
''fuck me pumps'' are the greastest accessory ever known to women! i hve quite a few:)
August 28, 2009 at 12:45 PM �
You must not be able to walk anywhere without getting laid!