As summer comes to a close, we all start thinking about that man’s man who’s going to chop wood for the fire and wrap his tree trunk biceps around you under flannel sheets at night.

Just us Canadian homos?

Fine. Whatever. You bitches need boyfriends. And that's exactly what I'm here for.

August is essentially Summer’s last call. It’s that point where you know the lights are going to come on, the music is going to stop, and you’re going to be standing there surrounded by broken glass watching your best friend go home with the guy you liked.

Again…just me?

Bitches…

Now, if I’ve learned anything at all from Cosmo – it’s that the way to a man’s heart is his penis. Or the other way around. Or his stomach is involved somehow. Don’t worry – if you use any combination of heart, penis and stomach, you should make out okay.

So our advice for this month is to find the man of your desires and give him a lapdance while BBQing ribs. Foolproof.

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    Disclaimer:
    None of this stuff is affiliated with Cosmo. In fact, don't tell Cosmo and we'll just keep this our little secret *threatening throat slashing gesture*